She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
