If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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