Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
