Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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