i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Use "feeling words"
Yay
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
