Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
