Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
