did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
