I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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