He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
