I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize