wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
