I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
