No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
