I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
