fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
