swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize