filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We are all done wearing pants today
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
