she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
