he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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