i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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