we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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