I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
