Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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