dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
