Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
