I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
