ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
