i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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