So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am one with the molecules
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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