I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
