Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
