the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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