Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
