i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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