i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
