i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize