my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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