I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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