I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
