My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
