I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize