Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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