he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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