Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
