I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
