im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
