it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
