The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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