I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Boobs are out for the taking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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