Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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