youre lurking in front of me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
