umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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