i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
