my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
