i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
