hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is Oprah even human
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
