i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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