Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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