the condom got lost in my hair
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize