Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
