there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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