Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
