Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
