He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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