Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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