They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
