A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
