Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my poor anus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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