She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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