Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
