New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
