WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck me I smell like cheese
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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