Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
