another moral hangover. fuck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Watching her eat just hurts me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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