i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
