Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
