I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
well you can't waste a boner
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
