Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
