Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I yelled at your uterus for you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
