Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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