Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Help. Why am I so naked?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
