his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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