Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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