U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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