I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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