I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i believe in u and ur pee
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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