i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
