so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The best revenge is premature balding
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
