i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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