I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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