I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
