At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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