she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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