u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
