foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
