Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
