Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
