awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
