my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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