I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
