girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
