This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
