did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My penis needs a shock collar
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
