i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
