The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There r osticjed everywhere
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize